com_sal_rem

Wed, 18 Feb 2009 17:07:52 GMT

so i've fucked up my knee and I have not been able to go running everday like i would like too, everytime i run it locked/freezes up and i can barely bend it, so i'm gonna give it a rest. sighhhh, i've been pretty frusterated for the past week cause i have not seen much weight loss. The first week really set my expectations high, but that was prolly mostly water weight, fuck that shit. anyways today is a new day, woke up with my boyfriend next to me in bed which was very nice :) for breakfast gonna eat some oatmeal with fruit, i should go grocery shopping again soon, sighhh. o but i did drop a lot of money at sport's authority and bought some exercising equipment, i start my exercise routine on monday, kicked my ass the next day i was soooo sore, i was walkin around like an 80 year old woman, just showed how out of shape i really am, ughhh. anyways so i'm gonna keep up with that for three days a week maybe four once my muscles heal from the first time and also as soon as my knee heals i'll be back to running everyday and that's that. gotta stay focused. sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

2/11/09

Wed, 11 Feb 2009 20:11:52 GMT

I have done really really good thus far today. The only thing that i have eaten today is a whole wheat brand muffin with some blue/rasp/blackberries. I also whent grocery shopping today at trader joe's, can't say enough goodthings about that place, i love it so much. gonna make dinner before i go to my class so that i'm not starving by the time i get out. so i won't eat late at night cause i don't get out till ten at night. then afterwards i'll go running again today to burn off some of the dinner. but that's about it so far, i drove lee my neighboor to the airport or he would of missed his flight to berlin, he's a dj and plays mostly around europe, that's a pretty sweet job, plus he will be able to hook me and ash up at tech fest!!!! can't wait :)

FUCKKKKING FOOOOD!!!!!!

Wed, 11 Feb 2009 00:33:47 GMT

FUCKKKKKKKKK. had a bad day. tomorrow is a new one, gotta stay focused. I can not afford to fuck up tomorrow. fuck being fat!

2/9/09

Tue, 10 Feb 2009 01:06:48 GMT

I decided to weigh myself today and i couldn't believe what i saw on the scale 129.6lbs!!!! das rite i've lost 7.4 pounds in a week, i still can't believe it, this is a great turning point, because this is helping me stay even more focused. I can just imagine those pounds melting off in no time. I hope i don't hit a platue anytime soon. I am very proud of myself but yeah i still feel fat, very fat. sighhhhh. i think i'm gonna change my goal to 105 instead of 110, i would love to see only one numbero uno instead of two, but i gotta get through the 120's now, this is gonna be tuff, but i know i can do it!!! gotta stay focused gotta stay strong, i'm gonna go running now. I look forward to running now, it def takes away the anxiety after i eat something. Today....

1. non-fat yogurt with raspberries, sweetened with agave.
2. tuna (drained) with a lil bit of onion, tomatoes, pickelrelish, rasp vinager and about an 1/8th cup of whole wheat croutons.
3. a kiwi
4. a chicken breast, with aspargus, and some brown rice.

can't eat anything for the rest of the night, gotta go running now.

Mon, 09 Feb 2009 02:51:19 GMT

fuck that last long entry, i'm doing this for noone else but myself.

2/8/09

Mon, 09 Feb 2009 02:29:47 GMT

after my last entry i have not eaten anything else, i am soooo proud of myself!!!!! :)
gotta stay focused, gotta stay strong.
i wonder how much i weigh right now, i don't have a scale at my apartment, which is prolly a good thing cause in the past i would weigh myself everyday and get very upset when it was not showing what i wanted to see. at my work we have a large scale for animals which is pretty accurate and i've been trying to only weigh myself once a week, but i think i will tomorrow cause i feel like i've lost a bit more. One person i do love very much is my mother, today she told me that it looks like i've lost some weight in my face and that she is proud of me for losing weight, how many mother's say that? lol. she understands that it is important to be thin and she is supporting me fully for my weight loss. i think i'm gonna go have another cig, cv is having a drink after a long day at work, i wanna go see him but at the sametime i don't cause i feel to weak to move, but i really really don't wanna eat anything else. sighhh. oh yeah and the hunger pains i thought that i would never get used to them but now i kinda like them, weird i know but it feels good to know that my stomach is empty.

Sun, 08 Feb 2009 21:41:05 GMT

I've done pretty good thus far today, something strange happened though. I don't go to church quite that often but i ended up going this morning to see my family and then they all wanted to have breakfast over my gma's house so i said ok i'll go, big mistake. My grandmother's cooking is beyond fattening, her main ingrediants for everthing is cheese and butter and then some more cheese and butter! sighh. I got away with eating a very small piece of this cassarole that she made. The first bite was horrific, I could taste all that cheese, eggs and cream along with ham and whatever else she put in it. Of course i did the usual cut it into very small pieces and eat very very slowly but each bite was so hard to get down afterwards i had this wave of anxiety. I have not had a panic attack in a very long time but this sure felt like one. couldn't breathe very well and i couldn't shake this feeling of anxiousness. I got my ass home as fast as i could and went for a very long run. I felt so much better afterwards. sighhhh. i've got to try very hard not to put myself in those situaions. I thought she would have at least one thing healthy on the table but nope notta thing.
so far today.......

1. one whole wheat muffin with a few pieces of kiwi
2. that small piece of shit cassorole, ugh.
3. some aspargus with a pieces of eggplant and zuccinni (sp)
4. less then fourth of a cup of whole grain oats and whole grain wheat cereal.

gotta keep strong, gotta keep going.

2/7/09

Sun, 08 Feb 2009 04:56:53 GMT

today......ehh did ok.

1. Oatmeal with blueberries
2. six inch veggie sub
3. one whole wheat bran muffin and a kiwi
4. some salamon with mixed veggies
5. on a horrible note a hummer shot was bought for me so i felt obligated to drink it
and one half of a piece of key lime pie!!! ughhhh

but instances like this will happen and i can't beat myself up about it, tomorrow is a new day.
To help cover my last two mistakes i went running twice today the usual route that i take.

2/6/09

Sat, 07 Feb 2009 00:24:24 GMT

1. yogurt and raspberries (sweetened w/ agave) with a whole wheat brand muffin.
2. Tuna with a lil bit of onion, tomatoe, a lil bit of whole wheat pasta and whole wheat croutons and rasp vinger. (a lil bit means like an eighth of a cup)
3. shrimp stirfry with some snow peas, red pepper, brocolli and scallions

I am very proud of myself today :) I wish i could eat less but this fuels me enough during the day to function. sigh.
Ash and everyone is going out for her twenty second birthday, I want to go and have fun but i really really don't want to drink. AT ALL. I will probably give in but i'll only drink mic ultra and limit myself to three or four. I'm about to go running to burn of my dinner, I"ve been running everyday even in this cold. Exercise is definately key to losing weight faster, can't wait till my other credit card comes in the mail so i can go equipment shopping and start this new work out that has killer moves to help me burn more fat!!! must stay focused, can't stand being fat anymore. yuck disguesting piece of fat shit.

and a year later.....

Fri, 06 Feb 2009 03:39:18 GMT

It has been a very long time since I have posted an entry, during the past year there have been many ups and downs. I feel that I have matured greatly and during this process I have grown stonger and learned many lessons. An issue that has been with me since I can remember is my weight. Name a diet and I have probably tried it and failed. What I have learned is that true weight sucess comes with a change of lifestyle. If weight loss is what I really truely want then it can happen but only if i want it extremely bad. There have been so many times where I have said that i want to lose weight but end up picking up that carton of ice cream or that bag of potato chips and then feeling so guilty that I give up for the day and say "oh well i'll try to eat better tomorrow" only to entail the vicious cycle that starts all over again. What works best for me is by planning ahead of time what i am going to eat that day and sticking with it. My moring breakfast (which is extremely important because by lunchtime I would end up eating anything that was fast and easy which most of the time was loaded with fat) consists of either lowfat yogurt with a granola bar or oatmeal with some fruit in it. These types of foods fuel me for the whole morning until about noon which most of the time I eat either a salad (which there a endless combinations of) or a tuna wrap, if anyone has some questions how i make it feel free to ask, they are delicious and easy to make. Dinner usually consists of grilled or baked chicken (in the stove, these are the least fatening ways) vegtables and brown rice. Or if i get tired of this dish i can mix it up in a stirfry and add a fatfree ginger dressing, it's delicious. I ballooned up to about 137 and when i read this number on the scale I knew that I had to do something. Since then I have lost three pounds which is not a milestone but it sure is a good start. My goal weight is 110 pounds. I feel that a girl my height would look healthy and gorgeous with this weight. I am determined and focused. One of the reasons that I am striving for this weight loss is because and I hate to say it but it is beacuse of my boyfriend, his body is one that is definately extrodinary and gorgeous to gawk at. I HATE IT that he is pretty much the same size has me, not his weight because he is about 160 but it's ALL muscle. His waist is my size if not smaller and that bothers me so much, I can't say it enough. (When he tries to pick me up i cringe and feel like I weigh 300lbs) Don't get me wrong my goal of weight loss is not soley just for him but it is also for myself because i do want to have more self-confidence and become more healthy. He asks me "why don't you ever show your midriff or ever show a lil skin?" I just tell him it's because i'm a conservative and shy woman but honesly I can't stand myself and when i see fat girls show off their poundage it grosses me out to so much that I get the urge to vomit whatever I had just eaten. Why he is my boyfriend and has sex with me I have no idea. That is an issue in our relationship. I can't get it though my head that maybe just maybe he really does love me and enjoys having sex with me but I let my weight issue take over and push him away because I don't want him to touch me for fear of him touching my fat or for fear of him thinking I am too fat. I really do love him very much and I really truely don't want to lose him but if I contiune with the same weight that I am and the same attitude that I currently have I know for a fact that I will push him so far away that i will lose him. Sighhhhhhhh, this is why i've had enough and something needs to be done.

1. Oatmeal with a banana.
2. One whole wheat muffin with 8oz. of orange juice
3. Tuna with some tomato, onion, pickle relish, alfalfa sprouts and less then a hand full of whole wheat pasta.
4. Some pretzels :(
5. A piece of grilled chicken with some aspartus and brown rice.
6. Water throughout the day.

Thu, 24 Jan 2008 03:22:43 GMT

back to the old ways.

today: one orange, one small garden salad with low fat italian dressing and three glasses of wine :( but i needed it.

wonder how tomorrow's gonna go.....

Tue, 26 Jun 2007 22:23:37 GMT

I just recently got a new job at some restaurant as a hostess in downtown detroit and i fucking hate it. but on the plus side since i've been so stressed out and depressed lately i haven't been eating, just yesterday my day was so fucking crazy i didn't realize i had not eaten all day till i was at work and was like oh yeah by then it was too late cause i can't eat at work but secretly i'm like oh yeah :) haha. but yea i wish i wasen't feeling all down and gloomy but then again feeling this way i don't even wanna touch food.

Mon, 21 May 2007 19:01:29 GMT

....and the vicious cycle prevails.

Thu, 17 May 2007 23:23:41 GMT

FAILURE

Wed, 16 May 2007 22:41:27 GMT

down a pound from yesterday....finally. i ate some broccoli and some fruit for dinner I'M NOT gonna eat for the rest of the night!!! and i'm about to go running in a half hour. hope everyone is doing well. i need to keep my focus.

Sun, 06 May 2007 01:38:52 GMT

ooo to be thin....

p.s. i want my new camera, now.

9 to 5

Thu, 03 May 2007 00:04:45 GMT

Nine to Five
Our lives are defined by what we do between 9 and 5 (or whenever you happen to work). Work is not just a way to pay the bills - it's how we define ourselves, seek out respect, and demonstrate our beliefs.
- JPG MAGAZINE

it's a never ending vicious cycle.......

Tue, 01 May 2007 20:46:12 GMT

sometimes i look at food and wanna puke cause it gives me this sick feeling inside and other days i just binge on stupid crappy food. (sigh) somedays i go without eating anything and other days ugh i don't even wanna say what i eat. today i've done alright so far.

finished my last exam on monday night, i think i did pretty good, i will prolly end up with an a minus or b plus, which is awesome cause i really need to bring my gpa, i betta watch it or i might get put on academic probation again HAAA, found out i got a c minus in history, mother fuckers.

ATTENTION KIDS: drugs are good, don't go to school, cuz school suxs ASS.

University's are very frusterating, why the fuck do i wanna take philosophy and history and another foreign language? i wish all i could take was my photography classes and then be done, but nooo because wayne state is a money grabbing school (well pretty much all uni's are) i have to piss away shit loads of money in order to get a piece of paper saying that i got a bachelor's of fine arts in photography and even after all of that i dont' even really know if i'm gonna make money, which all in all dosen't really bother me, cause i hate money, but it dose sux when i think about all the money i used to get that piece of fucking paper.

enough negative talkin, on a good note, i get to see the ansel adams exhibit at the detroit institute of arts, i'm wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy excited about that, prolly gonna go thursday with moise.

oh yeah and another good thing that's going down, is that i'm going to new york in june to see the american ballet company, i really really wish i had the money to take ballet classes again, i really do miss it and again I HATE MONEY oh yeah AND FOOD.

hope everyone is doing well and livin life.
-leah

F R U S T R A T E D !!!!!!!!!!

Sat, 28 Apr 2007 20:27:57 GMT

i am soooo frusterated, the past couple of days i've been doing good, and i did very good the first half of today, today i've had 1)sugar-free oatmeal with half a banana 2)some green beans and rice and this is where i fucked up 3)a piece of pizza and two tiny lemon poppyseed muffins FUCKKKKK oh well (sigh) gotta keep pressin on. not gonna eat anything for the rest of the day.

this is gonna take some hardcore willpower.

Thu, 26 Apr 2007 15:10:37 GMT

This is the diet of Olympic silver medalist Irina Tschachina ( 5"6 and weighs only 99lbs!) it was such a success for her now many other Russian Gymnasts are following this diet. Here it is:

Breakfast:
Glass of either orange or apple juice

Lunch:
Fruit Salad (made off kiwi fruit, orange, pineapple, and peeled apples)
Glass of fruit juice (from one of the above fruits)

Dinner:
Glass of non carbonated water
Green apple

Anyone on this diet for 5-7 days can loose between 4 lbs-11 lbs

Sun, 14 Jan 2007 23:38:00 GMT

venting begins right after this period.

I'M SICK AND TIRED OF EVERYTHING.

food suxs
money suxs
college suxs
and gordon suxs,
don't feel like explaining the whole story.

although me and tommy G are going job hunting sometime this week,
love that kid.

Sun, 31 Dec 2006 18:25:43 GMT

yup, i've survived another one HAAAAAAA

HAPPY FUCKING NEW YEARS BITCHES!!!!

i know these are lame, everyone make them and within the first two weeks they usually get broken, the new years resolution. but i love the new years holiday, it's my favorite holiday out of all of them because it means that you've survived another year, you can tell yourself that you can start fresh and you get to get smashed for an excellent reason plus you get to kiss someone at midnight :) my new years resolution,

1) move out by the fall of 07.
2) get down to lucky 105.
3) don't slack off at school and take it seriously.

it's gonna happen, it has to happen!!!!

Mon, 25 Dec 2006 16:32:17 GMT

I just got a surge of motivation, it's xmas but i don't care, i'm not gonna eat anything!!
i asked my friend matt to pretend he never had met me and saw me in a bar, from 1-10 what would he give me and he said a 7, ok i guess, but that just gives me more motivation to get closer to a 10.

does anybody out there know sarah jessica parker's stats?

Merry Christmas and A Happy New Years!!!!

Sun, 17 Dec 2006 21:42:45 GMT

sooooo.....still feelin the same, not a lot has changed, my weight being one of them. fuck. i've started a raw foods diet, and i'm likin it thus far. it has a lot to do with green smoothies and eating whole foods. i went to the whole food store a couple of days ago and blew 40 bucks on groceries. i wish their was a store like that near my house it was fuckin awesome. there should be a whole foods store where every farmer jack or krogers is. people would be sooo much healthier then. i ran into my old spin instructor today at borders while i was doing some xmas shopping, i felt kinda bad cause i hadn't been to the gym in awhile and he was like "ya ever gonna come back?" :) i will definatley go back but with school and work it's extremely difficult to find time and when there is time, i'm to tired to go to the gym and all i wanna do is lay down and go to bed. (sigh) i'll get there (lucky 105) i'm definatly more focused now. i want it reallllllllllllll bad.

Mon, 11 Dec 2006 20:53:02 GMT

why am i so obsessed with my weight?
why do i count calories like a nut and then get so angery with myself when i eat something that is horrible?

lose weight, gain weight, lose weight, gain weight.....
its a never ending vicious cycle.

but other then that last day of my english class is tueday, fuck yeawh, and all i have left to do is three more pages of my paper, this shit that i'm writing is complete bull. whatever, as long as it gets done.
then all i will have left is my exam for geology on the 20th, not too worried about that one. i'm glad i have signed up for a class next semister with my friend ashley, usually when i have classes with friends i'm more likely to do the work, cause someone will be on my ass to do it. HA.

fuck spanish, definately not looking forward to taking that class in the winter, i took a semister of spanish a year ago and that wasen't bad but i tried to take spanishtwo once but all the professor did was talk in spanish and after three days of that shit i was like fuck this and dropped it, who knows if i'm gonna pass it this coming semister. fuck.